Diving for the Truth
by GataChica
Summary: Was there more than protectiveness behind Gerry's concern for Sandra?


Title: Diving into the Truth

Pairing: Sandra/Gerry

Author's note: I'm always slow on the uptake. "New Tricks" has been off the air for three years and without Sandra Pullman for five, but I'm just now catching up. One reason is that I'm in the US, but that's no excuse. Anyway, this story happens after the episode "Ducking and Diving." N.B. I'm sorry if I misuse any slang terms.

Ex-police officer Gerry Standing couldn't sleep; he kept thinking about the events of the last few days. In particular, he was thinking about the death of Martin Viner.

'That could have been Sandra,' he thought. 'Palmer would have been happy either way. It's just lucky _all_ the tanks weren't tampered with. If they had been, she would be dead now. She would be _dead_.'

It wasn't the first time that his guv had put herself rashly (in his opinion) in the middle of danger. She had a habit of being involved in everything, no matter how risky. He had actually confronted her about it this time, trying to convince her to wait until the Underwater Search Unit was available. He was unsuccessful, but when it was all over, he made sure she realized how dangerous it had really been, based on Viner's murder.

And she acknowledged his point. But Gerry was certain she did not completely understand why he had been so upset – in truth, he had not wanted to tell her his exact feelings for fear that she would laugh at him. Still, he had a been a little put out that she lumped his concern for her with that of the other two "dinosaurs."

After all, Gerry was absolutely certain that neither Jack nor Brian was in love with her.

He turned over restlessly, unable to find a comfortable position. He kept imagining Sandra lying on the bank of Whinfield Lake, unresponsive, gone from him forever. _Dead_.

The ache in the pit of his stomach was unbearable. When it moved into his chest and threatened to choke him, he jumped up and dressed. He couldn't take this anymore.

Gerry was not a letter writer, but the idea of telling her his feelings face-to-face was too disturbing. Sandra had a razor-sharp wit, and he was sure that she could cut him down without a thought. He wasn't sure he could bear that, not right now when he felt so vulnerable. He didn't intend to give her the chance. Instead, he would write down his feelings in a letter and place it through the mail slot in her door. She would have the weekend to think of a way to let him down easy.

 _Dear Sandra,_

 _I can't begin to tell you how thankful and relieved I am that you are still safe after that diving tosh! I don't think I could have handled it if you had been killed instead of Viner. The other day, I tried to tell you, but you misunderstood. You thought I was just being protective of you, like Jack or Brian would._

 _But did you notice that neither one of them talked to you about it like I did? It's not because they don't care. But neither one of them feels the way I do about you. They respect you as their guvnor. They love you as a friend._

 _But neither of them is in love with you like I am._

 _I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be telling you this, but I just feel so worried about you. All I ask is that you let me down easy. Please._

 _I love you,_

 _Gerry_

Sandra had been so tired when she arrived home that evening that she fell asleep on the sofa in the middle of eating her takeaway. The CD she had been listening to was over, leaving a heavy stillness in the house, and the sitting room was lit only by the street lights filtering through the sheer curtains.

In the middle of the night there was a noise at the door. Sandra turned over with a murmur, then sat upright, her eyes wide. Someone was trying to get in! Moving slowly and quietly, she walked to the door and stood beside it, her fists and feet ready to take action.

Something landed on the floor.

Startled, she picked up the envelope then looked through the mail slot to see Gerry Standing turning around to walk away.

"Gerry!" she exclaimed, opening the door.

He turned to face her but backed away from the door. "Uh, hi guv."

"What the hell are you doing? Come inside."

"I'd really rather not," he said, looking at his feet.

"Why not?" She looked at the envelope. "What is this?"

"You can read it when I'm gone."

She went out and grasped his arm. "What's going on, Gerry? What is this about?" When he didn't answer, she said, "Come inside, I'll get you a drink."

"All right," he agreed reluctantly, "as long as you don't read that right now." He followed her into the sitting room and sat down in an armchair while she got their drinks.

"Gerry, you're scaring me. Is this your resignation from UCOS?"

He took a long drink. "No guv, I promise."

"What is it then? Are you sick – is something wrong?" Sandra felt a lump forming in her throat, and she thought, 'Oh God, what will I do? If anything happens to Gerry –' she didn't answer the question; she couldn't bear to think of it.

"No." He drained his drink, looking utterly miserable.

"What then?"

"Can't you just wait?" he pleaded. "Do you really want to embarrass me that much?"

She noticed that his face was turning red. "Gerry, what have you done?" she asked, expecting him to confess to some extreme old-style policing or failure to fulfill some legal requirement.

"Nothing! Oh, for Christ's sake, just read the bleedin' thing, alright? I'll have to deal with it eventually; we might as well get it over with."

Sandra eyed him speculatively as she opened the envelope, wondering what further trouble he might have gotten into in the brief period since their last case.

What she read was so startling it caused her to stop breathing momentarily. "What is this, Gerry?" she asked slowly.

"I thought I made it pretty clear."

"Well yes, but do you mean it?"

"Why in hell would I write it if I didn't mean it?" he demanded. "I've bared my heart there for you to trample on as much as you like; do ya' think I'd do that if it wasn't true?"

"No, of course not." She stared at the letter as if it might suddenly burst into flame. "I'm just – I'm flattered – I had no idea –"

"Seriously? None at all?"

"No, I mean, we flirt sometimes, but you flirt with anything that has two X chromosomes and a beating heart; that doesn't mean you actually have feelings. I thought it was just that."

"In the beginning, yes. Not now."

"Bloody hell," she murmured, completely taken aback.

"Yeah, well, now you know why I didn't want you to read it until I left." He stood up and started for the door.

"Gerry, wait." She hurried after him, getting between him and the door.

"For God's sake, Sandra, allow me some dignity. Let me out and you can call me when you think of how to let me down easy."

"Gerry, I think you're making a false assumption." She suddenly flashed one of her brilliant smiles that always melted his insides.

"What do you mean?"

"You're so sure I'm going to let you down."

He stared at her. "I don't get it."

"Didn't you ever stop to think I might have feelings too?"

"Don't take the piss, Sandra, it's not funny. Now let me leave." He was becoming angry, feeling that she wanted to humiliate him.

"I guess I'll have to prove it to you then." In one swift, flowing movement, she pressed her body against his, pushed him to the wall, and kissed him softly. For a moment he didn't react - he seriously thought he was dreaming - but then he began to kiss back passionately, his arms automatically going around her waist and pulling her closer. His head was spinning as he tried to come to grips with the idea that his feelings might be returned. This was a concept that had never, _ever_ occurred to him.

He felt her smile against his lips before she broke away, staying close enough that they were still almost nose to nose.

"Gerry, come sit down, please?" She took his hand and pulled him along until they both were sitting on the sofa. "This is probably a bad idea," she began.

"I'll say." He shook his head.

"But now that it's out, I don't see pretending it didn't happen."

"No. And I don't want to."

"But –"

"—no one else can know," he finished.

"Well, yes," she agreed. "It's not so important to keep it from Jack and Brian. But Strickland would freak out if he knew – he'd see it as his responsibility to stop it."

"Probably by closing UCOS," Gerry agreed. "Plus, he's more than half in love with you himself."

"Yeah," she replied absently. "I swear, if he calls me Sandy one more time –"

Gerry laughed, putting his arm around her and kissing her cheek. "Sandra?"

"Mm-hmm?"

"What now?"

"Do you mean right now, or in general?"

"Both. Either."

She yawned. "I'm exhausted."

"I'm knackered meself."

"I'm going to bed." She hesitated, then added, "Wanna join me? To sleep, I mean."

He grinned. "Sure."

"And in the morning, we'll see what happens."

-end-


End file.
